"But this man of no reputation
Loved the weak with relentless affection
And He loved all those poor in spirit just as they were"
Man of no Reputation
Rich Mullins
The Jesus Record

Sometimes the Holy Spirit works through the iPod shuffle.

Can I get an amen?

But this man of no reputation
Loved the weak with relentless affection
And He loved all those poor in spirit just as they were

Sometimes the Holy Spirit works through the iPod shuffle.

Can I get an amen?

Peace

I have this beautiful sense of peace.  No matter what no matter where, I feel at peace.  God does have a love for Kel and I,  and we want to be at the center of his will.  No matter what this next week, month, year brings, I feel as though this last year has brought us so much closer to all that need to be at the foundation.  I feel as though we are building this firm foundation, that the start we have had or will continue to have in this last year will be the cornerstone to a life spent seeking Gods will for us.  

We all want to see around the next corner, we all live with a desire to know that it's safe, that nothing bad awaits us around the next bend.  None of us get that, so our lives are defined in the grace we have living in the uncertainty of it all.  

Grace & Peace.

Longest day of my life

I fear to write about what's going on with me right now, just in case something stupid happens and it causes things to unnecessarily fall apart. So I guess I'll be vague but emotion-packed. That sounds like a good movie write-up, who wouldn't want to see that film?

Kel is out of town, out of state, out of... pocket. He is talking with some people about possibility of making a decision that would drastically alter the course of our life. And they are talking all day. He might call in an hour or so, but that does not do away with the length of time I have been waiting, incommunicado. PS I have the worst onion breath but no one is around to take offense but me so to hell with it. I don't fear the huge change, I fear the lack of the huge change. I want Kel to be happy for selfless and selfish reasons. The selfless ones are obvious, I want him to feel fulfilled in his life, to soar, to achieve, to succeed, to ... do the things you want for someone you love. Selfish reasons, well money is the root of all evil, and additionally and more importantly when he is happy, so am I. (for the most part, please mail in a request for fine print) I want to be happy, I don't want him to be let down or feel unvalued.

I trust God, I do, or I am sincerely trying to, I wish my community was here. One shouldn't be alone on nights such as this, this is the whole reason God surrounds us with people that love us. Excepting that the people that love us, aren't so much here, or at least the people that really love me, who would take me out for a frosty bev and make me laugh and tell me that no matter what all this amounts to that I am love and it's going to be okay. They are a phone call away, but there is no end to how much I could use a hug, one from someone who wants to be here to hug me, and in this state, there really isn't. And that's okay I am not complaining, I'm just... crying and still with the onion taste.

I don't know what I want but I do know that I want to know, and I think I might implode or explode sans this knowledge.

My onion breath is starting to offend even me and there's this friggin pack of PB cups calling to me from the kitchen, which would be tasty, but would merely mask my onion breath. And run the risk of causing extreme morning after guilt. dang. I want chocolate.

Wordle

This is way too cool, it is going in my office for suresies.  Thanks for the link!

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   style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd"
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This week has been such a struggle for me, I hate struggling weeks. Sometimes the gem of wisdom I come out with just doesn't seem worth it. This week it might, I am not sure yet. I found myself grieving my broken family again this week. It started while I was mowing and continued for a few days. This always leaves me question where I stand, what my role is, and always the question of WTF God? Why us, why me, why... blah. It's been a roller coaster week enhanced by the hormonal instability that only women can relate to. Oh Lord here I am again on Sunday Morning! I still want you to lead me and teach me, I always ever need grace and I am running hard after a healthier dose of faith and a meadow of peace to sit and have a picnic in.

I took Kel out on a "Kel date" last night, we had pizza at Donatos and then he picked out a video game that looked like fun and we played it together. He's been through it with me this week like the amazing travel companion that he is.

Beautiful. And now it's time for waffles.

Resting in a dirty house

There is a piece of construction paper on the floor

I will confess to no man or woman the date of the last time I cleaned the toilet

I need to change the sheets on our bed

I need to vacuum and then some

But here I sit on the couch, resting.  Enjoying the bliss of this moment and digesting the 3 course italian dinner I recently enjoyed.  I will soon turn off the tv and read a book or two.  The scenery is not perfect but I am learning to rest in it.  This is an inside job as well.  I have a mess inside, still.  After 26 years I still have scars that ooze from time to time.  And this is also okay.  I am striving and I am working to heal, I am moving forward.  God sends me partners to encourage me on the journey.  I will vacuum the cobwebs out, and I might have to do it again.  I am taking one baby step at a time to really believe that I truly am loved. really.