Saturday, January 17, 2009

Good Morning Four Day Weekend!

Okay so I realized that there is no way I can really post this until I brush my teeth. And I should take my prenatal vitamin too or else I am totally going to forget.

Alright that is done. Well here I am on a Saturday morning letting Kel sleep another hour while I fiddle around the house and tidy and pee at least every 20 minutes because that is what you do when you are pregnant. We are heading into the city today to get some baby stuff and help Kel spend his Christmas Money, as well as have brunch with some great friends. I have a four day weekend, due to MLK day and then a random Tuesday off. I will have to work next Saturday but just 6:30 - 1 PM which is all reality isn't THAT bad of a day. Nice and short at any rate. It will be a busy weekend of getting things done around the house that we have neglected. We bought some paint for the living and dining room areas last night. I would like to hang some more pictures on the wall and then just start perhaps trying to sew some window hangings and bring the room together as it were. That will be truely lovely.

So we found out that we are expecting a baby girl this week. That new has come with a roller coaster of uncertainties and emotions. I am coming to find out that when you think about being a mother of a daughter you sort of immediately think about your own relationship with your mother and what was modeled to you, as far as mothering lessons go. I haven't always had the best relationship with my own mom and so well, I think some nervousness arises. I think of all the things I want to be for her, to show her, and then I worry about failing her. I want to show her strength, beauty, how to put on her makeup the right way, how to pursue what God called you to do with your life fearlessly, how to make things out of popsicle sticks and how to let it all out with a cry but then pick yourself and move on, realizing that it's really your only option. I want to make Dad's Christmas cookies with her and tell her all about how much her Grandpa would have loved her. What if something happens and I close off like my Mom... I shudder to think and I refuse to let it happen. I want to give her everything from me, not necessarily the best clothes (although hopefully we can save her a little embarassment) but My major concern is giving her the best of myself, being Leanne Penny as a mom in the best most God honoring way that I can. I can feel God molding me along these ongs I just pray that I stay soft and bendy to his will and teaching.

That being said I am off to buy something pink and indulge myself in all the excitement that comes with expecting our daughter. In all her beauty and and potential.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Home

Home is such an elusive thing in my life. Is it where the heart is? Is it where I grew up? I am writing this from my parents house where I have lived since sixth grade, up until I moved out anyways. However this house is not what makes home for me. The home in this house died with my father sadly and so I am a nomad when it comes to home. Home will catch up with me in miscellaneous places. Sometimes just being in a restaurant with family feels like home. Often times my aunt and uncles houses feels more like home than I realize. Home certainly is most often encountered in West Michigan for me but does like to sneak up on me at the Henson's house in Oklahoma City. The one thing I know is that I need to find a way to make where I live, feel like home. I don't want to live the rest of my life restless for the home I cannot find. I don't want to always find myself discontent with the address on my mail, wishing the bills I loathe came to a West Michigan address. I am hoping that one of the ways that God grows me in 2009 is to make where I am feel like home. Teach me contentment God, and please continue to weave Kel and I into a family. Allow this family to be the priority and help our new little house to bubble over with homey-ness.
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