Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts

Monday, August 22, 2011

My prayer for now

We are always changing and growing as God calls us onward in this life.  All too often I will come face to face with a glimpse of where God is leading me and it infuses life into my weary heart.  Unfortunately the glimpse fades too quickly and within the next few days the wisdom I saw all but disappears.  God is constantly discipling me along the road and I am always on the watch for new devices or systems to keep these lessons at the front of my mind.  I tape verses and quotes on my bathroom mirror and the window above my sink.  I re-tweet relevant thoughts from teachers I respect and admire.  This all helps, but today I feel led to write a prayer, something I can change up and add to as I progress.  A personal prayer for me to repeat often to remind me where I am and where I am going, my own little litany.

So I have been jotting down notes and thoughts in my phone and on a plain legal pad and this is my "for-now" prayer.

Dear Father
You are so faithful and I am amazed at your relentless pursuit of us, me especially. 
When I take a look around my life I am amazed from the depths of my soul at the extravagant way you have blessed me.
There are no words in the English language to express how thankful I am for the gifts of my family, Kel and our two kids.  Their faces bring me a powerful joy I didn't knew existed this side of heaven.
When I look back on the journey you have taken Kel and I on, I can only shake my head and be thankful.  I ask that you strengthen and shape us into people who bring heaven to earth, both individually and together.

So often I feel small and incapable of navigating the life you put me in.  I want to be obedient to the amazing plans you have ahead of me, grant me more resolve and courage to believe myself capable of your call.
Remind me every hour that you don't need another carbon copy of anyone I compare myself to.  Strengthen me with the truth that I am uniquely equipped with a story and voice that can change the world, but only if I use it.
Banish the fear that so often keeps me from following your voice.
Help me trust what can be and not doubt because of what has been.
Help me trust and not be cynical.

I want to serve those you have placed in my life, people are a gift.  Through your spirit I want to serve them fiercely and put them before myself.
Teach me to be more of a listener than a talker and more of an encourager than one who demands praise and encouragement.  
I want to be generous in the way I give my resources to others, from my time to my money it is all yours and I want to spread it out and not waste it.

I want to be in love with today, even if it isn't ideal or where I thought I would find myself as I approach my thirtieth birthday.  
Continue to help me find delight in the small things from my morning cup of coffee to my fluffy duvet as I turn out the light.  I want to choose joy in the here and now, no matter what that means. 
Never stop calling me to connect well and deeply as I seek to push aside distractions and give my full attention to my family and friends.

Give me patience as I slow to the rhythm of your timing.  Help me to live today to the fullest as I move at your pace around each turn.

Help me to know Jesus more today than I did yesterday, to immerse myself in his way of living and to conform to his patterns.

Thank you for the wisdom that it took to meet in this moment and speak this prayer over the day you have so generously given me.

I'm ready.  Amen.

If you even feel a little called to write your own prayer "for now" I can't tell you what a valuable practice it is.  I am so thankful I have it out of my heart and onto paper, ready to be prayed this afternoon, evening and tomorrow morning over yet another 5:45 am mug of coffee.  

Thursday, July 28, 2011

a prayer of no guarantees

A few items of business:
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Now on to the meat of something that has been tumbling in my head a long time, waiting to be polished.

Today my 2 year old daughter smacked my 6 month old son in the face with a large cardboard block. Pretty hard too. She didn't mean it, she was just twirling with helicopter arms and got too close to his face and boom, impact. Had I seen it coming I would have interceded, and I often save him from sore toes or well intended hug smotherings. However, as much as I love every square inch of him I can't block every shot.

I absolutely love my two kids, I hope this isn't a big secret to anyone in my life either online or otherwise. When I take a look back at all the junk and pain I have gone through with my immediate family one of my first instincts is to figure out a way to make sure that nothing like that ever happens to my precious boy and girl. I want to keep them physically safe. I buy top of the line car seats and follow safety standards to the letter. I also want to keep them emotionally safe and I want to do everything I can to make sure that they don't lose their parents as early or as tragically as I did. I lost my Dad at the age of 49 to heart disease and so along those lines I eat very little red meat, drink red wine and pay close attention to my blood pressure and cholesterol levels. My mom died from mental Illness and so I go to counseling, stay active, and I try to keep a good pulse on my emotional well being so that I can catch any problems early.

I'm a realist, I know I can't protect them from all hurts but I guess I wish for them the bare minimum. I want them to appreciate the depth of life, with its highs and lows, but I do pray that God shields them from the big and rare hurts. The ones that only befall a few.

This is my prayer for my children, and in a way it is my prayer for everyone I love.

My dear precious ones, until you are parents you will not understand how much I treasure you. I delight in your bright eyes and endless energy even on my worst days. Your curly hair and huge smiles have made me thankful to a level I never knew possible. I want to put a hedge around all of us to guarantee that this innocent joyful living will last forever. It is with a heavy heart that I need to let you in on one of life's more painful secrets. There is no hedge that will keep out pain, brokenness and loss.

This brokenness is the reason I can't give you the gift of knowing your grandparents. However, I am deeply dedicated to helping you know who they were so you can carry parts of them with you as you bring your own unique gifts into this world.

I am doing everything in my human capacity to keep you safe from things that try to break you both physically and emotionally. I am coming to the edge of the realization that my love and precautions can't keep the breaks from happening to you. So I am jumping in and rethinking my strategy. A life with no pain isn't really living and so for you I pray just enough pain to appreciate the joy. I know you will have disappointments, failures, and breakups and I will be there for all of those tears. I pray that as much as possible you learn well from the mistakes of myself and others so you can avoid some of life's potholes. I pray that I have the strength to let you fall on occasion, so you can learn how to pick yourself back up. Above all else I pray that God protects you from the thousands of things I worry may befall you. I will do my best to lead you into situations that will give you a knowledge of your powerful and loving God, and that your Dad and I will model trust in him through the way we live our lives. I pray that you will trust in the love of God as you discover it in relationship with him, through his beautiful creation and through interacting with the people whose lives intersect yours.

I will be around as long as I possibly can, and while I am I will do everything in my power to point to a God who will sustain you more than I ever could. Gods love, grace, and providence are the ultimate healers. If you go to him for your truth and healing, you will weather any storm that this "no guarantees" world throws your way.

Amen and Amen.