You know that place...
You know that place where you can't stand where you are but you're terrified of where you might end up? Yeah I'm there.
Okay so I am through pretending my life is the latest string of state farm commercials. So here is the meat of my heart right now.
Last Sunday at church I was revitalized in worship in the most organic service I have yet to experience at Southland Christian Church. It was a message about stewardship and the span of God's love for all living things from the garden to the revelations tree. I can recount emotions far more than subject matter but in this message I heard the ever elusive rhythm of God's deep truths. This is the beat that is the undercurrent for all truth, really. Sometimes I hear it and it reminds me to be still and know he is God, to love where I am because it is where I am placed, and to seek to live a life that is pleasing, humble, and difficult. I hate the thought of always making the easy choice over the right one. I hear this rhythm when I read Matthew Sleeth's book "Serve God, save the planet."
A line that punched me in the heart reads:
"The person who begins their day by asking: "what will I wear and how will it look?" may work just as hard as the person who asks "How can I serve God and save the planet?" It is not the effort put into their actions but the meaning derived from their lives that will vary greatly."
I was asking the former question, and believe you me I have been putting a ton of effort in worrying about money and people and money and calories and money and money and I would have to say that a ridiculous% of my thought life goes into wondering how this Seminary thing is ever really going to happen. I want Kel to be able to immerse himself in this experience, in the scriptures, in the family of Asbury. He's not able to because he's working 40 hours a week and going full time, and when I see people who are able to do the immersion version of seminary I get a little jealous. Sorry about that, I am just still a little mad at God for being dually fatherless but the good news is that I press onward.
I have no idea if any of this connects from dot to dot because mostly I am exhausted from hosting the lovely and well journeyed group of golden grads this weekend. So I am going to awaken a crabby crabby hedgehog and hope for the best. Going to try to grab some nature tomorrow. The best part of my day may have very well been walking out to my garden and seeing three rows of the most beautiful green bean shoots you have ever seen in your life. I love them already, I love plants and all things living.
Yep, out.
