Tuesday, September 22, 2009

If I have...

For lack of a better way to put it I can be a negative nancy. I am a pessimist. My glass is so often half empty. This seeps into all areas of my life. Home, family, friends, work, self, all of it is tainted by this gray lens through which I usually see my life. I focus not on the amazing things I am but all that I am not. When I eat a meal it's so often not an appreciation of where I am and what I have been given to eat as where I am not and what my grub isn't. When I am UCM I think of all the students I wish were there and the improvements we haven't yet made to the building. This list goes on and on and well... on. And needless to say I am becoming increasingly aware of it, even so much so that I am writing about it for your digestion. This brings me to my next point. I'm sorry. I am sorry for any time when I have cast a judgmental eye in your direction. When I surveyed your life and saw your flaws instead of the beauty weaved into you by our mutual creator. I am sorry whenI have vomited my own troubles onto you instead of hearing about the joys and struggles of your life. God is still cleansing the imperfections from my heart. And I am sorry (and happy) to say that he always will be. I will never be 24 karat Christian. Jesus will always shine through me like light through a dirty window. But this is what I have to offer today. A hope that the next student I meet will feel love because of our interaction and I will today and always look at you with all the beauty God put into you, and encourage you and love you just as you are. Thanks for loving me in spite of my judgey occasional bitchy-ness. Love, me.

1 comment:

Lisa Sharp said...

I haven't known you for long but I have a hard time believing you are anything but super sweet. If you haven't defriended me on facebook than you aren't to judgmental. ;)

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