Monday, June 6, 2011

Running on...

Note: I always write in the morning but God wanted me to write at 11:00. And last night my two kiddos had me up all night, so, excuse typos and runaway trains of thought until I have a chance to edit more thoroughly.

As much as we all complain about being too busy, all too often if we are honest we're glad we keep our lives moving at a brisk 300 mph pace. Lately I have become aware that I have been living at a unsustainable, breakneck pace, I realized this because I actually sat down to watch TV one evening, I sat down to watch Glee and ALL I did was watch Glee on the couch. I didn't make anything, organize a pile of papers or try to catch up on email. I just watched a tv show. Would you believe that was the first time I had done that in months?

I have been running, and running and then for a change of pace, I ran. Have you ever heard the phrase: "Wherever you go, there you are?" It basically means that you can pack up and move, get a new haircut, a new relationship, a new job, a new car, a new whatever, but it will still be the same you in all those new things. You don't change unless you open up and work toward change. God can move so much more effectively in our lives if we slow down and let him show us what is broken. So often we know what's wrong but we thing if we run maybe we can avoid it for a while longer. If we slow down, we are still the same person we were when we were running. The broken bits never left just because we dyed them blond or outright ignored them.

I realized just how hard I had been running tonight when I went to make a prayer list in the notes app on my iPhone. I scrolled down and realized that I already had an old one I could just update. So I pulled it up and realized that two of my top prayer priorities from last July both died from exactly the thing I had been praying against. Ow, I mean really very Ow. I didn't want to deal with that, I just wanted to jot down some names, say a few prayers and move on to the next thing. I didn't want to think about how badly those dashed hopes hurt me on a daily basis.

So I guess I am entering phase one of project "slow down" I am acknowledging that there is something I've been avoiding that needs my attention, and that is about all I know right now. Even animals stop to lick their wounds, what are we so afraid will happen if we slow down and take time to heal what is broken? When it comes to this topic I have so many more questions than answers. But I do know this much, we all, everyone, have a broken bit that could use some cleaning healing wound licking time. (How great is this word picture?!) God wants to talk about it with you, and there is a good chance that some of your friends are game to talk about it as well.

So maybe we can all stop running together, take a look around and see just where we really are, and acknowledge that God has been there holding out hands full of healing from the very beginning. We were just avoiding him like cooties on a playground because it's not cool to slow down and deal with your junk. The it thing to do is to keep running from it, even and sometimes especially in church land. Forget looking cool, and always appearing all together. Real life is born in the moments when you admit you don't have it all together and let God move in and show you how beautiful a life of reliance upon him can be.

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