Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Peanut Butter Mouse & Expectations

Life never turns out exactly as you planned.  I know that because today as I am writing to you from my office / play room there is peanut butter on my computer mouse.  I didn't plan that, It got there because my daughter made off with a peanut butter sandwich before I realized it.  And since the peanut butter is delicious and the computer has tons of buttons there was an obvious collision.  I chuckle a little when I click the mouse and come away with a sticky palm because this is so typical of my life these days.  I'm still in yoga pants in the afternoon, we haven't left the house and as the kids nap and I switch my brain into adult mode, I find I cannot escape kid land.  

I finished college, I even did a little grad school and during those times I used up some of my mental energy envisioning myself in heels and trendy outfits working happily and efficiently in my tastefully decorated office.  Life didn't exactly turn out that way and I can pretty much pinpoint the moment I decided to put the high heels, business card lifestyle on hold.  Being a full time mom is a choice I made, but believe it or not it was harder for me than going back to work.  I like life organized and neat.  I love to click around in high heels.  I love adult conversation around wine, fancy dishes and $17 cheese.

However now, any time I clean something, my 2 year old ensures that it immediately gets messy again, there isn't room in the budget for expensive cheese and wearing heels around the house is both stupid and hazardous considering that extreme sippy cup spills are commonplace.  I have had to grow and adjust into this little people life where I give a lot more than I get.  My expectations of life were totally different than the reality I am living in.

If I didn't learn to adjust my expectations I would spend my days miserable, and I did for a while.  This concept is so much bigger than me and I am convinced that it applies to everyone on the planet.  I have stopped expecting a spotless house or dinners filled with adult conversation and I donated a lot of my heels and invested in a wardrobe that allowed me to chase my kids around and be comfortable.  

Whatever life you are living now I am sure that it's different than the one you expected to have.  I think God works like that on purpose to keep us guessing and relying on him.  You have to learn to love the life that God gave you, because if you hate it that much you should probably make a change, and if you're not willing to change you may as well fall in love with it.  

Just when I made peace with the full time Mom life God started to drop hints that he wants me to be a writer.  He loves to keep me on my toes, and I am thankful for the ways I see him using me now and on the horizon.   

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