Thursday, September 22, 2011

My compass zone

Yesterday I lost it.  I ugly cried.  I didn't see it coming, I couldn't fend it off and so I gave into it.  At some point after lunch, I stopped making sense and started spouting nonsense that centered around how worthless I am.  I had completely lost sight of the truth in my life and I laid there wallowing.  I wallowed hard core.  I still can't tell you exactly why I broke down, but I can tell you that it took a series of tough choices yesterday evening to climb back out.  

Isn't it scary how easy it is to lose sight of what is real and buy into something gilded and fake?  Personally this often happens when I start to believe that my worth is measured in hits on this blog, the organizational state of my house or the numbers on a scale.  We all have useless numbers and standards we use to qualify success in our lives, when those numbers get low... or high... look out because break down alert is at orange.  

No one in my life, or yours for that matter, uses the same stupid things to measure your success.  My family and friends still love me even if my weight takes a 2 lb swing or my blog hits aren't as high as they were last week or if I have a foot-tall pile of randomness on top of my dryer.  Which I always, always do.  

Large chunks of our world are set up to distract us from almost everything truly valuable about life.  We turn on the tv or log into Facebook, twitter, pinterest, etc and if we are not careful we are immediately reminded of who we aren't and what we don't have.  I have heard at least 67 people say that they often feel bad about themselves after Facebook-ing.  And here is why: typically people are only posting the good stuff on their walls, and not the ugly moments.  I don't post the pictures of my kids snotty and crying, so you may falsely believe we don't use kleenex or have tantrums.  We do, I just don't whip out the camera in those moments, and neither would you.  We have to remember that people are typically putting their best stuff out there, who would want to immortalize their ugly moments.  So measuring your life against what you see on tv or social media is usually a bad and dangerous way to go.  Don't do that.  

So I have found that we need to have compasses in place to keep us from going off the deep end and believing the worst about ourselves.  These compasses can be people, songs, scripture/quotes, or places that remind us of our true value that is far deeper than any unit of measure our world often suggests we use to gauge our worth. Think like...bulletin board, a collage or something along those lines.
To add a touch of real life, my kitchen window compass zone is show with dishes and all.  please enjoy.

I used to put reminders and quotes on my bathroom mirror, because a long time ago in a life far far away I spent a decent part of my morning there, primping, blowing and spritzing.  I tried to use the mirror as a compass zone for the past while, but it wasn't doing it for me.  Then about a week ago I realized that nowadays I spend a lot more time at the kitchen sink than I do in front of the mirror.  So I have swapped these spots and now the kitchen sink is home to my quotes and notes.  

The thing is that it is almost always easier to lose yourself to BS than to stay on track with the truth.  So we have got to use all the resources God gave us as compasses to stay on track or get back on the path if needed.  God surrounded you with friends and family, so use them to speak the truth to you.  If you have walls, put up memories and quotes that tell the truth about who you are so you remember where exactly you are going.

The amazing Tiffany Anderson send me a verse from Proverbs (The Message style) today and it knocked me off my chair with its timely fantastical truth.  (If you don't know Tiffany, I'm sorry for you, but mostly I'm thankful for me.  God loves me so much that he put her into my life to encourage me and love the heck out of my kids.  She was the first person I met in Ada, and the last person I want to hug should we ever leave.  If there is a word that means blessing x1,756 then that's the word I use to describe Tiff)

Anyway, sorry about the ode to Tiffany but it was appropriate and necessary, but back to that verse from Proverbs.  I wrote it out on an envelope (because we are completely of all paper) and it made my kitchen window compass zone along with other pictures and cards and quotes.  

1 Good friend, take to heart what I'm telling you; collect my counsels and guard them with your life.2 Tune your ears to the world of Wisdom; set your heart on a life of Understanding.3 That's right-if you make Insight your priority, and won't take no for an answer,4 Searching for it like a prospector panning for gold, like an adventurer on a treasure hunt,5 Believe me, before you know it Fear-of-God will be yours; you'll have come upon the Knowledge of God. ~Proverbs 2:1-5
 I hope that snippet from God's truth grounds you and/or shakes you and brings you back to what is really true about yourself and this world we live in.  

oh the baggy eyes, if only the little Pennys would sleep.

And just to prove that I am all about being real here is a picture of me in a pony tail with no makeup and huge bags under my eyes.  This is my gift to you and is sure to make you feel better about however you look today.  The cute baby is my only accessory, and yes its hard to type when he tries to help.  He's going to be an amazing author someday but for now he just likes the space bar and the ,/. keys a lot.
You is good, you is smart, you is important
Anyone feeling brave enough to come clean with one of their lies or fake standards?  Come on, I showed you mine...

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